Secret Life Of Bees: Memories Of Deborah
by SlytheCat202
Summary: This is T. Ray's perspective of Deborah's death. Sue Monk Kidd's writing style & contains parts from Lily's limited memory. One-shot. Warning: Remember, this is T. Ray so there is a LOT of cursing. PLEASE REVIEW! No flaming accepted.


T. Ray's Perspective of His Wife Leaving Him Forever (or Memories Of Deborah)

I snorted. _Damn him to hell, that stupid old man! Always tryin' to haggle down the price of my peaches and wasting my time. Who does he think he is? The goddamn Pope? He ain't nothing special, even if he is our preacher. He ain't gonna screw me none!_

My arms were crossed against my chest, fists clenched tightly while I stomped home. It had been a long day of putting up with people's bullshit, ranging from listening to the annoying old ladies from my church go on and on about how precious my little girl is, to some neighbors trying to console me about my wife leaving me, to that goddamn preacher trying to screw me over. Everyone seriously pissed me off. Always bothering me and sticking their damn noses in my personal business. I wish I could just be left alone.

The sun shone bright overhead, momentarily blinding my eyes. I bit my bottom lip and cupped my hand over my eyes.

"Goddamn sun," I grumbled.

Little specks of light danced around in my head, making it difficult to see my surroundings. I tightly closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. I continued to move forward; I knew this land by heart. I didn't need no eyesight to guide me.

After a few minutes, when the stupid lights went away, I opened my eyes. My breath caught in the middle of my chest and my feet slid to a stop. A strong gust of wind caused dust from the gravel to go up into the air, but my eyes stayed wide open. I was unable to look away for even a moment at the sight before me.

A 1960 Oldsmobile with faded, white paint was parked haphazardly in my driveway. The driver's door was open, revealing a tan interior. A yellow keychain resembling a honey bee dangled below the rearview mirror.

My knees grew weak. I stumbled forward and clasped my hands onto the car's open door and roof, letting it support my weight. It felt as if my body weighed a thousand pounds. My head was spinning. _It can't be…_ I kept repeating again and again in my mind.

When my head cleared I looked inside the car and lying by the passenger seat was a photo. A woman with long, black hair that curled and wisped around her elegant face was sitting on a couch, smiling. Her grin, big and brilliant, seemed to make her entire face glow. Her eyes were soft and happy while she was looking down at a newborn baby held against her chest. The baby's hand reached up to the woman, who held the tiny hand within her own.

A wave of gratitude fell over me, but was quickly overcome with boiling anger. My knuckles went white as my hands tightened around the car. "Deborah," her name hissed from my teeth.

I pushed myself off the car and nearly broke into a run towards my house. Blood pulsed in my ears and my heartbeat sounded like someone banging on a drum. Memories of Deborah played through my head like a picture show. All I could see was her face, her smile, her laughter, and then she was gone. She was gone without a word. She stabbed me in the back.

I went up the front porch stairs in one giant step. I flung open the screen and kicked the front door, which had a tendency to get hung up on the door frame. By the time I heard the loud crash of the door hitting the wall, I was already stomping my way up the stairs.

Her name, Deborah, kept repeating itself in my head. Yelling. Screaming. It wouldn't stop. It grew louder and louder as I drew nearer and nearer to my bedroom door. When I reached the room, I halted. I stood there for a moment, completely motionless. I could feel her presence. I knew she was behind that door. I took a deep breath and then opened the barrier that kept up apart.

My wife's back was to me, her curled, black hair hanging loosely on her back. I heard her sigh. She backed out of the closet and turned around to face me. Her eyes, a brilliant shade of sky blue, looked into mine with a saddened expression. Deborah's eyebrows knitted and she gave me a gloomy smile.

"Terrance…" my name sighed from her glossy lips, which trembled slightly. 'Terrance, I…"

"Deborah," I whispered at first, but then exploded. My voice boomed throughout the room causing her to flinch. "Deborah! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Please, Terrance," Deborah took a small step forward, "don't do thi-"

"Don't do what, Deborah? WHAT?!? What the hell do you want me to do? 'Cause I would just love to hear what you want after all of this time! Not a word. Not a goddamn word for six whole months and you expect me to give a damn about what YOU want!"

"Terrance, don't yell like that," Deborah hushed, looking around hoping none of the neighbors were nearby. "What if someone he-"

"Fuck the neighbors! Goddamn it, Deborah, I will do whatever I please! If I wanna yell and scream then I'll yell and scream as much as I want. It's not like I don't have a good reason to."

"Fine then!" Deborah began to shout at the top of her lungs. "Let's yell. Let's yell so loud that the entire world can hear us! Does that make you happy? Huh?"

"As a matter of fact it does!"

"Good! Because making you happy is all that matters. That is all that ever mattered, isn't it? The entire world revolves around you. You! You! YOU! Isn't that right?"

"Oh goddamn it, Deborah! Don't start with this bullshit."

"No!" Deborah screamed, waving her arms around in the air. "No, I will not stop, damn it! You wanna know the reason why I left? Do you?"

I glared at Deborah. My fists trembled as I looked at her. A smirk grew on her face when she realized I was waiting for her answer.

"O-oh! This is just rich. Do you seriously not know? I thought even a conceited bastard like you could have figured it out. Guess not." Deborah laughed and shook her head. "You really are pathetic. Living in your own little world. Me. Me. Me. That's all you think about. That's all you have ever thought about! I can't believe I was such a fool as to fall in love with a man like you. You made a horrible husband… and a horrible father."

I stared at Deborah, a hurt expression engraved on my red face. I growled, "N-now don't you bring Lily into this! Who's the one that abandoned her? You. You left us!"

"Why do you think I came back, Terrance? To pay you a visit? To apologize for what I did?" Deborah began to laugh and she spun around. When she faced me again, she stopped. Her scorching blue eyes blazed into mine and her voice grew low. "No. I'm glad that I left. It did me some good and gave me time to think. It made me realize that I never wanted to see your face again. That I never wanted to speak to you again." Deborah's voice rose an octave. "I hate you! I hate how you treated me after we got married. I hate how the man I fell in love with, the man who shared my hopes and dreams, the man who was not only my love but my best friend as well, transformed into such a selfish, uncaring monster."

"You want to know why I came back, Terrance? It wasn't for you." Deborah turned around and went into the closet. "No. It was for Lily," when she came out Lily was grasped in her arms, "My daughter."

I gaped in shock as Deborah began to walk forward with our daughter in her arms. "Now step aside," Deborah ordered. Lily began to whimper. Deborah smoothed Lily's hair and whispered comfortingly, "Don't worry."

I was outraged. How dare she tell me to step aside and expect me to let her run off with _my _daughter? She already left me once and she wasn't going to do it again, especially with Lily. I snatched Lily away from her mother's arms and carried her to the bedroom door. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Lily had heard enough of this fight.

I set her down in the hallway and said, "Go to your room."

"I don't want to," Lily cried while trying to push past me.

A lump rose in my throat as Lily struggled to move my legs. She didn't want me, no, she never did. She wanted her mother. The entire time Deborah was gone Lily would constantly ask me where her precious mommy was. She never cried out in joy or ran to hug me when I came home from working all day. No. All she would ever do was ask where her stupid bitch of a mother was even though it was _her_ who left us.

"Get in your goddamned room!" I shouted. I shoved her away. Lily landed against the stairway wall and then fell onto her hands and knees.

"Leave. Her. Alone," Deborah screamed. I turned around to see her running towards me at full speed. She attempted to hit me, but I caught her hand before she landed the blow to my face.

Her hand trembled in my grasp, trying to force my hand back. I easily overpowered her and yanked her arm away. I grabbed Deborah's shoulders and began to shake her.

"Deborah," I yelled while shaking her violently, causing her head to jerk back and forth, "You just left us! Abandoned us! You left Lily here with no mother to raise her, and you think you can just come and take her away? She's all you left after you ran away. You can't take her away from me. And _you_ aren't leaving either! I won't let you hurt me again!"

"NO!" Deborah shrieked.

She pushed against my chest with all of her might, escaping my grasp. The lamp from on top of the bedside table fell to the ground with a crash as Deborah collided into it. She ran inside of the closet and ran her hands over the top shelf. A medium sized box fell to the ground and Deborah hastily picked it up and shoved her hand inside. The box was tossed to the side. After a moment, Deborah stood up and turned around. A shiny, black revolver was tightly grasped in her hands, pointing at me.

"N-now you j-just s-s-stand back, al-alright Terrance," Deborah stuttered. I froze. She was standing, maybe, within ten feet of me holding a gun at point blank.

"Deborah, put the gun down. We both know you're not going to shoo-"

A sharp click came from the gun as Deborah turned off the safety switch. My eyes widened and I raised my arms up. She tried to steady the gun as much as she could in her trembling hands. Tears fell down her cheeks and onto the floor.

"I told y-you to move!" Deborah exclaimed.

"Alright. Alright. J-just calm down, Deborah." I took a step backwards and backed up against the wall. Deborah eyed me for a moment and then shuffled forward, still pointing the gun at me. After she reached the doorway, she turned around and walked towards a weeping Lily.

I then lunged at Deborah and grabbed her from behind. I pulled her back to the center of the bedroom. We wrestled for the revolver in her hands until I finally got a good hold on it and snatched it away. Deborah gasped and collapsed halfway onto the bed. She fearfully stared at the gun I now possessed in my hand.

I waved the gun above my head and shouted, "You actually pulled a gun on me? Goddamn it, Deborah! What the hell has gotten into you? You are acting crazy."

I threw the gun on the floor and walked over to Deborah. I picked her up from the collar of her dress. She was crying and looked defeated, as if she had just lost a long fought battle. My hands slid over her shoulders and I helped pick her up. "Now," I whispered, "You are staying. Got it?"

Deborah looked away from me. She stood still for a moment, staring down at the ground. When she looked back up, a new fire burned in her eyes. My hands were slapped away and she backed a few steps away from me.

"I would rather DIE than be with you!" Deborah shouted. "Being with you is like Hell itself, Terrance. You are hell! I deserve better than that. And so does Lily! We are leaving, Terrance, and there is nothing you can do about it." Deborah turned and rushed towards the doorway. "Come on, Lily. Let's go…"

A loud bang emanated in the room. The sound echoed throughout the entire house. After that was complete silence. Deborah's back faced me, her body still.

"D-Deborah?" I whispered. My voice was barely even audible.

Her body fell to the ground and a pool of blood began to encircle her body. I stared at her, at the blood. Not a single thought was able to form in my mind. I slowly looked up and my breath caught in my throat. Lily was standing there holding the revolver, staring at her mother.

"M-mommy?" The gun fell from Lily's hands and she ran to her mother. "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy! Why won't you answer me, mommy?"

All of the strength in my legs evaporated and I dropped to my knees. I slowly crawled to Deborah's body. Lily was crying on her mother's bosom, screaming hysterically. Lily cried for her to say something, to do something to show that Deborah wasn't hurt, that she was alive and that this was all just a game.

I reached out for Deborah's hand and placed my forefinger and middle finger over her wrist. I tried to feel for a pulse. Nothing. My eyes began to burn and I could already feel the tears rolling down my face. One of my arms went under Deborah's back and pulled her into my torso. My other arm wrapped around Lily, who was still crying in the same spot on her mother's chest. We wept together, soaked in tears and blood.

It was a beautiful, sunny day when that stupid bitch left me. My wife. Deborah. The damn love of my life… gone… forever.


End file.
